Forever The Name On My Lips
by MarauderSkull50
Summary: Songfic: Taylor Swift Last Kiss; Lily's POV; Lily and James break up because she can't say I Love You, this is the aftermath of the break up and the get together. First songfic. Lily&James Read and Review please :  Rights to JK Rowling & Taylor Swift!


**Background story; basically post Hogwarts maybe a couple months. Lily and James had a fight and broke up. This is the week after they break up for Lily. It's a songfic to Taylor Swift's **_**Last Kiss**_ **so obviously I recommend you listen to it, but it's not necessary as I will have the lyrics posted within the story  
>Obviously rights reserved to JK. Rowling, cause if I had it my way James&amp; Lily wouldn't have died. There will also be a lot of flash backs in this. Big spoiler here, it's a happy ending; I don't like sad things, especially not with my otp they already have eough sad in their life with their death! Anyways enough rambling... <strong>

Forever the Name on my Lips

I looked around at our –_my, _I cringed at the thought, empty flat.

We broke up a couple days ago and I haven't seen him since, most of his stuff still here. For someone who couldn't stand him about two years ago, I'm one hell of a mess since he left. Funny what love does to you. There it is that stupid L-word that screwed everything up.

_I still remember the look on your face  
>Lit through the darkness at 1:58<br>The words that you whispered  
>For just us to know<br>You told me you loved me  
>So why did you go away?<br>Away_

***Flashback- night they broke up* **

"Lily," I heard him whisper.

I grunted in response.

"Lily," he says again "are you sleeping?"

"I was...James what is so important that you have to tell me at- what time is it anyways?"

"It's a quarter to two in the morning," I groaned, two am this man is going to be the death of me. "but Lily, I couldn't sleep, I needed to tell you something. You know how I always said that I loved you- no one ever really believed me, except Remus. I want to tell you this now Lily, because I realized about the same time we were dating and I never knew how to tell you this but here is it: Lily I am so head over heels in love with you I don't want anyone else in my entire life. I want to marry you- now I know you'll say no right now, but in the future I see us with a nice house, a couple kids – all with your beautiful features, especially those beautiful green eyes. And if Merlin forbid that you'd change your mind and want nothing to do with me, I'll live alone my whole life praying that one day you'll come back to me. Because Lily this isn't the school boy crush that everyone thought, or the thrill of the chase that you believed – Lily this is the real thing, I want to live my life with you and no one else. I love you, and now whenever I say that you'll know just how much."

I was overwhelmed- he woke me up to say he loves me, but we've only been dating for 9 months. And previously I hated him. I hated his existence- the thought of his name, it's all very new to me these positive feelings towards him. It was a big step for me to agree to live with him.

"Lily, you didn't fall asleep did you?" he whispered into my hair, "cause this would be the part where you tell me you love me as well."

"James..." I started, my voice shaking, "I can't..." I felt his body go rigid. "listen, it's just less than a year ago I didn't want anything to do with you, and living with you is a big step for me and James I'm not even certain what love is." I voiced my thoughts, trying to make him see sense, completely disregarding that annoying little voice in my head or the tug in my chest.

James got up. "Lily, I know what love is, and I know that if you don't it's because you don't love me." It was dark so I couldn't see his face, but I heard the hurt in his voice- it hurt me to know that I had caused that. "James, honestly lets just go to bed now, and we'll talk about this in the morning." I said as I watched him start to get dressed.

"I can't Lily, if you can't admit you love me I can't stay here...I'll miss you"

"James, please." I begged. But it was too late, I heard him walk out of the house, and after getting off of the property he apparted away.

***end flashback!***

And here I am. Crying. Alone. And not with the man I love. Yeah I love him. It's stupid though, that he will never get to know because I just couldn't tell him. Stupid pride. I loath myself. Memories of the last 6 months flooded my mind.

_I do recall now the smell of the rain  
>Fresh on the pavement<br>I ran off the plane  
>That July 9th<br>The beat of your heart  
>It jumps through your shirt<br>I can still feel your arms_

***Flashback! Getting off the Hogwarts Express***

I couldn't believe it was over, I would never be on platform 9 ¾ at King's Cross Station ever again. It was a saddening yet happy thought. Like one chapter of my life was over but another has just yet to begin. I lugged my trunk off the train and started thinking about what James had said to me on the train.

***flashback within a flashback?***

"Lily," James started, I know it's really sudden in our relationship, but I also know that you don't have anywhere to live – what with your parents"..._dead, _he didn't say it but I knew it's what he meant, I wasn't going to let it bother me the car crash happened early this year and I've accepted it. I nodded to encourage him to continue. "Well my mom is pretty sick, so she lives at St. Mungo's now and well we sold the Potter Manor and I was going to get a small flat in Diagon Alley, or something and I was wondering if you'd like to join me." He sounded so unsure of himself, fearing as if I were to say no, which fair enough would be the normal reaction. But I nodded and thanked him. He smiled so wide I'm sure I saw all his teeth.

***end of flashback within flashback; back to the original***

My parents are gone and I'm now living with my boyfriend of 7 months, who for that matter I didn't even know where he was. I looked all around the platform and I couldn't see him. A lot of the people had already left and I started to worry. Perhaps he's in muggle King's Cross. I walked off the platform, and searched everyone, until I reached outside. As I was standing outside craning my head trying to find him, while thinking of a backup plan of perhaps living in a hotel for a little bit, it started to rain. Great, I thought bitterly, but it was London, what could I expect. And then I saw him, driving –might I add surprisingly well, towards me. He got out the car, "sorry love, just went to go get the car. I had to apparate to the outskirts of London and drive this thing here, but I'm here."

I smiled. Only James. I let go of my trunk and ran to him, hugging him, and being so thankful that I have been blessed with someone who would do this for me.

***end of flashback***

I was a mess. I missed him. I loved him. But my stupid pride got in the way, and I never told him – that and fear, and now because of my stupid idiotic self I'll never get the chance.

_But now I'll go sit on the floor  
>Wearing your clothes<br>All that I know is  
>I don't know how to be something you miss<br>I never thought we'd have a last kiss  
>Never imagined we'd end like this<br>Your name, forever the name on my lips_

I started packing, this wasn't even my home to begin with, I should've left not him. I hauled my old Hogwarts trunk and started throwing in anything that belonged to me. And then I found my favourite sweater of his. I broke down and started to cry. Sitting on the floor wearing his sweater, the sobs came down hard. I didn't know how to be something he missed, I needed to be something he had, got to love every day. I screwed up royally. I breathed in his scent that still lingered on the sweater and brought my hand to my lips. I missed his there.

_I do remember the swing of your step  
>The life of the party, you're showing off again<br>And I roll my eyes and then  
>You pull me in<br>I'm not much for dancing  
>But for you I did<em>

***Flashback- Gryffindor Quidditch Cup Victory Party***

"AND FINALLY THE CHASER WHO SCORED MORE POINTS THAN THE VALUE OF THE SNITCH AND EVERYONE ELSE'S POINTS COMBINED- LADIES AND GENTLEMAN I PRESENT NONE OTHER THAN OUR TEAM CAPTIAN AND MY BEST MATE JAMES POTTER!" Sirius yelled over the heads of the party.

My James walked into the room, with a very sexy swing in his step might I just add. He had led our team to victory beating Ravenclaw 350-100. I don't know how he did it, but it didn't matter. He looked over at me and winked. He stood on the table next to Sirius, and in his hand I saw was the snitch he nicked in 5th year. He entertained the partiers, and every now and then he looked at me, with such a grand smile. Then him and Sirius started showing off, and I rolled my eyes and sighed- it was such a thing for them to do. After a while the music started and everyone was dancing, while I stayed in the corner laughing at something a fellow student was telling me. Suddenly I felt warm arms grab my waist, a mutter of sorry above my head to whom I was conversing, and I was spun around facing James. He pulled me to the dance floor, and though I didn't like to dance I did.

***end of flashback***

And more memories crossed my mind while I sat there in James' clothes, trying to remember his scent, his crooked smile – but perfectly straight teeth. The slight speck of green in his wonderful hazel eyes, and how he gazed at me like there was nothing else in the world. I remembered how a couple weeks before my parents died James met them, he was nervous around my father, without reason because they loved him, most likely because they knew I did even though I didn't. Then I remembered all the stupid night James and I would go for walks around the Black Lake, or when he'd walk me to class, if he wasn't holding my hand his hands were in his pockets. It always made me laugh cause it seemed that he was keeping them there so they wouldn't hold me and never let go. I remembered that all that was over because of our fight. And then I remembered all the fights we had and he would kiss me in order to shut me up. Oh how I wish he had done that then – even though we fought because I didn't say anything...oh irony.

_Because I love your handshake, meeting my father  
>I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets<br>How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something  
>There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions<em>

_And I'll go sit on the floor  
>Wearing your clothes<br>All that I know is  
>I don't know how to be something you miss<br>Never thought we'd have a last kiss  
>Never imagined we'd end like this<br>Your name, forever the name on my lips_

After what seemed like forever, I got up. I missed him. I wanted to know how he was. I got ready, simply to look somewhat presentable. I left my hair down, threw on some jeans and a t-shirt. But I made sure to wear the necklace he got me for Christmas last year, and his favourite sweater. Hopefully he would see that I love him, because I'm not quite ready to say it yet.

I appareted to the street of Remus Lupin- one of his best friends, I thought Sirius would know more, but Remus and I always got along better, frankly we got along before me and James did. I shuffled over, and knocked on his door. And after a little while a dishevelled looking Remus open the door, and then I realized that it wasn't visiting hours. I opened my mouth to start apologizing, but Remus instead opened the door to his home.

"I'll get you some tea Lily, make yourself comfortable." And he walked away

I walked into the sitting room, and despite being a one bedroom flat, the sitting room was quite big. I approached the mantel piece and saw the pictures across it, and across the room. Some of his parents and relatives, but most of his friends. Remus always felt that his "furry little problem" was something that required him to be alone, so when he found the "Marauders", I could see he cared about them a lot, because they befriended him when he was sure no one would. The friendship the Marauders had was more like brothers that were born unrelated. I looked at the pictures and I saw that smile. It broke my heart, partially because I missed him, also because I made it go away, but mainly because it'll come back and it won't be because of me.

_So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep  
>And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe<br>And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are  
>Hope it's nice where you are<em>

Remus returned into the room, and passed me my tea. He saw me staring at a picture of him and James and said. "Lily, I know that we are friends, but I'm positive you came to talk about James, and I don't know how much I can help." I nodded "how is he?"

"Lily, you should know that. The boy loves you – obviously he's doing terrible."

"Did he tell you why?"

"He said you said that you don't love him..."

"But I do Remus, I love him with all my heart, I just I don't know, I couldn't tell him. But Remus when you see him tell him I love him. Where is he anyways? With Sirius right?" he nodded. And then it dawned over me, Sirius was kind of a player, and he always thought to get over one girl was to get under another- James probably is with someone else. "I just hope he's happy,"

_So I'll go sit on the floor  
>Wearing your clothes<br>All that I know is  
>I don't know how to be something you miss<br>Never thought we'd have a last kiss  
>Never imagined we'd end like this<br>Your name, forever the name on my lips_

I sat there in the sitting room of the best friend of my ex-boyfriend who I'm 150% in love with. I started to cry, words escaped me.

"Love- " hiccup, "I miss him" hiccup "I never wanted to break up" sob, explosion of tears. Remus walked over and sat down on the floor next to me and wrapped his arms around me. He tried to calm me down. And then the front door of his house opened and from the sitting room I could see who walked in. Sirius, Peter and the man who's name would forever be on my lips.

Sirius' voice came through the hall, "Hey Mooney- we're here to pick you up, we're going to a pub I am tired of Prongs sulking. He hasn't moved since he came to my flat – it's kind of harshing my mellow, I can't bring any girls over and well that –"

He stopped. All three of them did. They stared at me in James' clothes, crying on Remus' floor, while he tried to make me feel better. And then Remus whispered in my ear. "I won't have to tell him if you do."

And I got up. I walked over to James and started to speak.

"You walked away, because you think I don't love you. And you claim to know me SO well. I have loved you for so long- I just never realized it. You have to understand that I love you I do, but 9 months ago I thought I hated you. And I know they say it's a fine line between love and hate – and trust me it is, but those are two opposite emotions. I lost my sister to magic 7 years ago, my best friend two years ago to the dark arts, I lost my parents to a car crash a couple months ago. I didn't want to open my heart to anyone, especially not to you – I didn't want to lose you. But James this has been the worst couple of days in my whole life, because I lost you I did and all because I voice that I let you. James you mean more to me than any other person ever will be. You said you wanted to marry me when- _if _you ever ask I'll say yes. You said you wanted kids with my green eyes, as long as they have your hair, your heart and their names Potter. You said that if I wasn't going to be with you you'd be alone, you wouldn't you would find someone who deserved your love, loved you back and made you feel adored because that is what you deserve. And Mr James Dillon Potter, if you take me back I promise to make you feel adored, to marry you, and live in whatever house you please, to follow whatever dreams you have – even if they are completely ridiculous. I'll raise those monsters we'll call children with you and try to teach them to open their hearts to love. We'll have as many kids as you want. We'll embarrass them in front of their crushes, and marry them off and annoy them for grandkids and we'll grow old together. I want to go to fall asleep in your arms every night- no one else's, I want to kiss your lips every day. I want you. And if you forgive me James I'll work every day to remind you that you deserve to be loved and cherish and adored. James I love you. I don't want anyone else. You are the only person I want. No I don't want you James, I need you. A really long time ago you said to me that you and I had to date because the names James and Lily just fit together, and maybe they do James, but the people James Potter and Lily Evans fit even better."

I let out a huge breath, and started at the floor, tears strolling down my face. No one moved, no one breathed, it was silent. So silent that it was loud.

And then I felt arms wrap around me. I looked up to see those beautiful hazel eyes look at me. There was warmth in them and he lowered his head, and brought his lips to mine, and kissed me so softly. His forehead rest against mine and he whispered "I like the idea of you chasing after me after all these years. But I love the sound of our life better. Just promise me one thing. I get to adore and cherish and love you every day as well."

And he kissed me like never before, with such urgency. But I understood, he missed me if it was possible just as much as I missed him. He never wanted to break apart from me, and I happily agreed to that, his name would forever be on my lips.

**So there's the story, I hope you all liked it. Sorry if the Flashbacks got annoying, but this story was starting to annoy my head cause it's been circling there for the last couple days and I had to write it down. **

**Review please, criticism is welcome – so long that it's not rude. Thank you to all those who reviewed my other story! **

**-cheers! **


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